No stitches, just platelets and will power
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
