I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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