My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
