i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
