Soap is not a condiment
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
