He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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