do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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