dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
