Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
