Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
