508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
