So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
