woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
