I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
