i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i think my cat just said my name.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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