In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
