Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
MIDGETS
????
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
