Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
