During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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