I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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