So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
