I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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