if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's shark week go big or go home
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
