Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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