is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
