You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
