help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
