these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
