My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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