I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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