the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
