just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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