you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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