is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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