im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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