Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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