But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
