I just pynch a tree in the face
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
