you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
