You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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