So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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