i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
