Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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