It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
