My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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