I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
