You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
