Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
