when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
