So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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