it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
