Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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