its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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