Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
