Small penises have feelings too.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
