Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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