Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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