Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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