we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
