I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
