I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
