You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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